Thursday, August 22, 2013

Men’s Traditional Belief and Madonna-whore Complex



        Most men have some common objection about women that they are very unpredictable or tough to define. But men  never question the root of their belief about women. As social being we inherit some common belief by family or social conditioning that controls our mind subconsciously. Because of family or social conditioning two people can see the same thing in completely different perspective. According to society where sexually frustrated people were raised to believe that sexual activity or just being sexy is a dirty and shameful act, both men and women believe that women have to either be complete prudes or totally promiscuous.

In developing countries Men usually tends to classify all women into one of only two categories: either evil sexual temptress, or good and pure saint; a woman has to be one or the other. They tend to draw a very clear line between the kind of girl he can have a little fun with and the marrying kind. Many guys categorize every woman they meet into one of two groups. For most men, these classifications may change as they get to know a woman, but some men experience a complete inability to see both sexual and relationship promise in the same woman. 
Commonly men are not able to integrate the "dualism" of women. Though each and every female is in fact fully capable of both, it appears man's greatest challenge is to resolve them both in the same woman, thus these two aspects of the female must be relegated into two very separate and distinct categories Madonna or Whore. This complex becomes a big obstacle between the man-woman relationships. It also changes his overall view of sex and love differently. Men's inability to accept any other role of woman other than these two and act aggressively is called Madonna – Whore complex. 
 
First identified by Sigmund Freud, this Madonna -whore complex is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitutes. Men with this complex desire a sexual partner who has been degraded (the whore) while they cannot desire the respected partner (the Madonna). Freud wrote: "Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love." 
 
A man suffering with Madonna-whore complex lusts for a sexual and beautiful woman who is experienced in the bedroom and unashamed of showing sexual prowess but he will never respect her as "wife" and he will never marry her. In his eyes, she is tainted, impure, unworthy of the status of wife yet he may possess passionate and contradictory feelings for her. He may even be in love with her but will never allow himself to be with her in any real sense. He will look for a "good girl" to marry usually a "Madonna" type woman, who is cold in sexually but is good at "wife" who will bear his children. He treats his wife or girlfriend gently sexually, always treating her with respect, but the woman on the side he treats to aggressive angry sex, performing acts on her that he thinks would disrespect the woman he loves.

Basically such Men favors women who are sweet and innocent and chaste, but will then become (through instinct, not experience) bold and adept in the bedroom. The sufferer or possessor of the complex believes, or at least enjoys pretending, it is he alone who could transform the woman, so despite her whore-like behavior, she remains a Madonna or turns into a whore for him. He assumes himself, therefore, a godlike powerful.

The father of Psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud has discovered this complex both in men and women. And the main reason behind is the traditional role imposed upon women by men. From time to time all great personnel to common people felt insecure of women's free thought and free will and that lead them to suppressed the free will of women with an iron hand. Men always believed a woman shouldn't have a choice or right to think and it's a woman's sacred  duty to sacrifice everything for peace and love. Women of those time believed it and they still do so. Over time this belief became a part of social norm and later on part of their life. This complex have affected women's sexual expression too. The duality implied that women must assume subservient roles, either as Madonnas to be protected or as whores to be punished by men. Men's lack of interest in this matter, poor knowledge and immovable belief have resisted women to express herself fully in her whole life.

Sigmund Freud, the famous psychologist, posited a theory about how the Madonna-Whore complex develops in a man’s psyche. A man with the complex, he said, may have grown up with a cold, distant or inattentive mother. His need to capture his mother’s attention and affection as a child is later projected onto the woman he chooses to marry. He might even look for a woman with similar characteristics to his mother. 
For this reason, in the mind of the sufferer, love and sex cannot be mixed. The man is therefore reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife for, according to his unconscious mind, this would be incest. The parallels he draws between his wife and his mother lead the man to lose all sexual desire for his wife. He would not think of his mother in a sexual manner, thus, the mother of his children becomes non-sexual to him as well. He will reserve sexuality for other women, and will not develop "normal" feelings of love in these sexual relationships. 
 
If someone thinks the demand for love is different for good woman and bad woman then he is surely suffering of Madonna-whore complex. They only way to get rid of this complex is to change their traditional belief about women and think out of box.

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